If I should be alone or if I should not.
A strange, anxious, complex feeling bounces within me.
If I am alone, I think, I hurt.
I notice the goldfish swimming around in the tank, trapped, looking for an escape.
If I am not alone maybe it will stop.
She kisses my hand, it makes me feel warm.
If I am alone it could stop also, but it hasn't.
The dull colors of the walls present a grey and drowsy feeling.
If I am not alone, I am happy.
If I am not alone, I am sad.
The desperations for relief grows and grows.
There is an urge to see clearly again, to awaken.
I know I have the power to do so.
But the past prevents me every time.
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